“Now, take a breath, and don’t worry, she’s drunk.” Thad whispered.
“What?” I said, caught unaware, but as he frowned, I let it go, but he had not said word one about her being a drinker.
Thad rapped on the door, and then a second time, louder.
After a few seconds, the door opened to reveal a small aged Mexican man, “Si?”
“Esteban, it’s me,” Thad barked.
The man squinted and then frowned, “Oh, si. Hola. Come in.”
“This is my friend Michael,” Thad said as we walked in.
“Hola,” Esteban smiled. He was a squat man of about fifty in jeans and a red flannel shirt, a yellow bandanna around his neck.
“Hello, nice to meet you,” I put my hand out, but as Esteban did not return it, I dropped my hand quickly.
“Always friendly,” Thad said not too discretely as he took off his coat and handed it to Esteban. I followed suit.
My breath caught as I turned to take in the room. We were in a dark two story entry hall, with a winding cordovan mahogany staircase rising before us up to a wide second floor balcony. Table lamps lit the room poorly from two corners. Three arched doorways led away from the room in all directions, with small sets of stairs descending into the adjoining rooms. Everything seemed oddly interconnected like an M.C. Escher drawing or the Winchester Mansion.
An Eskimo totem pole rose against one wall surrounded by tremendous ferns and life size brass figures of monkeys, while a twenty foot high Technicolor painting dominated the opposite wall. It depicted a tiger stalking through a lush jungle. A small white flocked Christmas tree lit with pink twinkle lights stood in another corner, tiny compared to the rest of the room. My overall impression was that the room was cluttered and in need of a severe dusting. And it was clear to me now where Thad got his ‘more is more’ decorating aesthetic.
“Ma’am’s still in her big game hunter mode.” Thad said waving his hand around. “A decade ago it was Swan Lake and everything was white and billowy.”
“Kumquat!” an aged voice called from above.
I looked up to see a delicate figure in yellow moving across the second floor balcony to begin to descend down from the top of the great stairs. The woman moved with a dancer’s precision, one long step at a time. One of her hands held a large crystal highball glass while she waved delicately with the other, like she was Miss America. It had to be Ma’am.
From this distance she appeared to be about forty, and was short and thin with an impressive mane of very tall dyed blonde hair. Her saffron dress made her glow as if the sun were emanating directly from her. Behind us I saw Esteban slowly begin to turn a knob to light the previously unseen chandelier hanging directly above. It was a huge multi-tiered crystal monstrosity, fit with 10 to 20 big bulbs that slowly began to bath the room in brilliant light.
As the room brightened, Ma’am appeared to glisten, staring triumphantly into the chandelier as if it she had just returned from a long mythical quest.
“I never thought you would make it, my precious!” She called, still waving, now halfway down the stairs.
I waved back only because I felt like decorum demanded it.
As Ma’am neared she looked in her fifties, but a good fifty.
“Her grand entrance takes all day,” Thad huffed.
“Sshhh…” I hissed as the glowing entity continued to light toward us.
“Oh, she can’t hear a thing,” Thad scoffed. “She’s deaf as a doornail. She does this on purpose. She waits upstairs till someone comes, just so she can walk down those damn stairs. When she first bought the place they weren’t long enough, so she had longer ones put in.” He pointed to the tiger painting and then back to Ma’am: “Do you get it yet?”
I looked around confused.
Esteban disappeared down one of the sets of stairs with our coats.
“My baby! Merry Christmas!” Ma’am called, now almost at the bottom of the stairs.
“Merry Christmas Ma’am! You look spectacular!” Thad yelled, walking over to her.
She took his hand just as her small foot alit on the terrazzo marble floor of the hall. “I’m so glad you’re here.” She hugged him tightly and he returned it, the ice in her glass tinkling. He was more than a foot taller than she was. From this distance she was clearly in her seventies, but a good seventy. Thad waved me over.
“Ma’am, this is my friend Michael Stiles,” he said loudly.
“Who, please?” Ma’am said, craning her head toward me.
“Michael Stiles!” Thad screamed. “My friend!”
Ma’am extended her hand. “My pleasure to meet you Michael Stiles, my friend.”
“It is completely my pleasure,” I said taking her hand and bowing instinctively, as if I was in the presence of royalty. “Merry Christmas. Thank you for having me. You have a lovely home,” I gushed. Ma’am had Thad’s pale blue eyes and heart shaped face.
“Of course, of course.” She smiled a row of blazingly white false teeth. She had the cadence and breathiness of Carroll Channing, but with a slight Texas oil accent.
“Well, you look great,” Thad said.
“Thank you, honey.” Ma’am looked about and took a deep drink, “I am so glad you two are here.” She smiled at me and then turned to tousle Thad’s hair. “Isn’t he a handsome guy? My handsome guy.”
“Ma’am, stop,” Thad said, playfully batting her hand away.
“Was it a good drive? It’s excellent weather. It’s so warm for this time of year. I am so glad it hasn’t snowed yet.” She had not stopped smiling.
“Oh, it was good. I drove us up, so we got here lickety-split.”
“Oh, you young men and your cars!” Ma’am laughed a cherubic laugh and took another drink, which made me think about the heredity factor of alcoholicism. She held on to Thad for support, his arm around her back. She now appeared more stooped than she initially let on. He held her tightly, but not evidently, so she seemed to be standing on her own.
“Thad has spoken of you often.” She continued, “It is so nice of you to let him share your house. It is wonderful to finally meet you. What do you do, Michael?” She asked, head tilted like a particularly charming puppet.
“I’m a professor in the English Department at OU.”
“Isn’t that spectacular?” She gasped, “Is that how you met Thad, at the University? I know he took classes there once…”
“No, no, but we did meet in Norman, many years ago. At a Halloween party…” I said with a smile until I saw Thad grimace at me and then I curtailed the story and looked away.
“Oh, I love Halloween!” Ma’am cooed, sounding a croaking semblance of Thad’s laugh. “I still dress up too, you know. I do.”
“Tell her what you came as this year,” Thad said.
“Oh, but Michael will think I’m an old kook.” She made a wide motion with her drink and it sloshed but did not spill.
“Ma’am always dresses up to pass out candy to the neighborhood kids,” Thad added.
“Oh, no…” she demurred.
“What did you come as?” I asked, entranced.
“A hobo!” Ma’am laughed uproariously. “I had a corncob pipe and a big floppy hat and I borrowed Esteban’s overalls and all, so I could be a hobo!”
I laughed along if for no other reason that Ma’am was utterly delightful.
Thad smiled, but I could still see tension in his eyes, which worried me.
Thad smiled, but I could still see tension in his eyes, which worried me.
“Esteban took photos. The kids loved it,” Thad said, moving slowly to Ma’am’s other side. “Well, we’re looking forward to dinner.”
“It’s too bad your Mother and Father are out of town, but we will have a time of it, the three of us here at Christmas. We have so much food. I had Esteban pick it all up at the market and he’s getting it ready and later we can play games by the fire, if you want.”
“That sounds great!” Thad said.
“Yes, yes,” She said, “But I need to go check on Esteban, so Thad show Michael around and you two boys can go on into the Den and have a drink, and I’ll be there soon.” She smiled her brilliant winning smile and I just wanted to hug her she was so damn cute, like an internet kitten in a teacup.
“Great. Will do,” Thad said turning to me.
“Toodleoo,” Ma’am said with a wave, teetering off, arms up to balance her as she walked down a set of stairs and disappeared into a far away room.
A second passed before Thad turned on his heel and quietly said, “And that’s Ma’am.” He smiled a very real smile for the first time today.
“She’s fabulous!” I smiled back at him, thrilled that the tension between us was hopefully passing.
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