Sometime during early December a rather handsome man moved into the two-story white colonial down the street. Over Christmas break Thad and I saw him walking a big dog and we waved. Well, actually I waved and Thad frowned at me. But the guy waved back. I said I was just being neighborly, but Thad didn’t buy it. The guy was about our age, good shape, a striking fellow. And apparently single except for the drooly mastiff.
Two days after Thad had announced his possible move out; we had still not discussed it any further. But by his sweetie-sweetie demeanor I could tell he had continued to plan it. I had come to no peace about it at all: I just wanted it to go away.
To this end, I had avoided Thad as much as I could. My logic was that if he was that sick of me; let’s see how he fared through my chosen absence. And on this Saturday morning it was nice enough that I could hide from him out in the yard. As typical for Oklahoma weather, in the period of three days, the horrible February ice storm had been replaced by pleasant forty degree sunshine. Spring was on its way, harkened by the tiny pointy heads of the crocus and jonquils just emerging in my gardens.
While raking leaves out of a flowerbed near the front sidewalk, the new neighbor jogged by with his big dog. But having my iPod headphones in I didn’t hear him, and not seeing him, almost backed-up directly into him. So we did a whole One Hundred and One Dalmatians tie-up with the leash, except with only one dog and two gays.
Extradited myself, I apologized and he apologized and we laughed and he introduced himself.
“Hey, sorry about that. I’m Steve. Steve Banks. I just moved in down the street.” He put out his hand and we shook.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m Michael Stiles. We’ve-I’ve- seen you down there.” I had no idea what to say. I was out of breath, wearing a stupidly tight 80’s shirt, and completely flummoxed by the handsome man in tiny shorts standing in front of me. And his dog was growling at me, probably mad that I had just stomped on two of its paws.
“It’s a great neighborhood,” he said.
“It is. It is a great neighborhood.” I was really just speechless. The man was very good-looking up close, which caused me to blush as I was an idiot around handsome men.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “I just moved to Norman from Tulsa. I teach up at the University.”
“You do! That’s great! So do I. Welcome to it.” I could talk work, no problem.
“Thank you, thank you.” Steve laughed, “I guess a lot of faculty live around here? I’ve already met a few. What department are you?”
“English. I’ve been there since 2000. And you?”
“Architecture. Yeah. I haven’t seen you around…”
“Well, it’s a big campus. Yeah, it’s a great place…”
At this point I heard the screen door slam behind me with what sounded like a gale force wind. I turned: there stood Thad on the porch, nostrils flaring, telephone in hand.
“It’s your mother!” he shrieked holding the phone away from him like an actor brandishing a sword in a Grand Guignol tragedy. He stomped back inside and the screen door slammed again.
I looked to Steve and embarassed said, “I…gotta go. Nice meeting you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Nice meeting you.” He said. “Maybe I’ll see you around campus sometime.” And then to the dog, “Come on Ennis.”
And I knew I shouldn’t, but then I watched him jog away, knowing Thad was watching from the window. As I slowly tilted my head back to the house, sure enough, there was Thad in the window, his face a Zulu mask of horror.
I just smiled. He was the one moving out. He deserved it.
“Where’s the phone?” I asked as I walked in, a catbird seat look on my face.
“I told her you would call her back,” Thad snapped, lips pursed.
“What did she want?”
“Oh, I don’t know. And who was that?” He said, hands on hips, eyes wide and crazy.
“That’s the new neighbor. I literally just ran into him.” I said snugly. “He’s faculty at OU too. Architecture.”
“Really?” Thad said walking up to me, circling. “He’s handsome.”
“Well, I guess so.” I had to force myself not to giggling. “We just met, I mean I literally almost fell into him, I was raking…”
“Yeah, I know. I saw the whole thing,” Thad said like a 70’s TV detective. “The whole thing.”
“Would you stop it! I’m allowed to talk to the neighbors. That’s why they call it ‘neighborly.’” Who was he to tell me what I could or couldn’t do-he was the one moving out. I was enjoying the look of pain on his face.
“Is he gay?” Thad asked, pretending to straighten pillows on the couches.
“Oh yeah,” I said with full vengeful gusto. “His dog’s named Ennis.”
“Ennis? Like Brokeback Ennis?” Thad gasped. “Oh, yeah, he’s gay.”
“Yup.”
“I don’t think you should be friendly with him.” Thad said seriously, eyes wide like the Garden Rapist.
“And why not?”
“You know why. That’s just trouble. You know it. You’re not allowed to talk to him.”
“Oh, I’m not am I?” I laughed, “And how’s that?”
“You’re just not.” Thad smiled at me, shaking a bit. “Nope.”
“Huh,” I said cockily. I looked Thad in the face, and with my eyes tried to convey this thought: ‘You have fun moving out, but I’ll be here -with him.’
It worked as Thad began to pace back and forth muttering to himself.
I just snickered.
“Trouble with a capital T!” Thad said walking out of the room, shaking his finger.
I found the phone and called Mom back.
“Hello?” she said, then accidently hung up the phone.
I sighed and called her back.
“Hello?” she said again.
“Yeah, hey. It’s me. You hung up on me again.”
“Oh, I just can’t figure out this new phone,” she said.
“Yeah, okay, fine. What did you want?”
“ What you are talking about?” she asked.
“You just called. What do you want?”
“I didn’t call you…did I? I thought you called me,” she said in that confused elderly way that was becoming more common with her.
“Thad said you just called.”
“No, no, I’m pretty sure I didn’t.”
I rolled my eyes, knowing Thad had lied just to have an excuse to walk out on the porch and break-up me talking to the Gaybor.
“Okay, it must have been a mistake. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Well, while I have you on the phone, have you talked to your sister about this little Mexican boy she’s thinking about adopting? Smith is just livid…”
“Mom, Mom,” I interrupted her. “Let me call you back.”
“Well, do.”
“I will. Bye.”
I hung up and Thad walked by, heading to the Kitchen.
“Mom didn’t call,” I said. “You just lied to get me inside.”
“Trouble with a capital T” he said with a frown and a shake of his crazy finger.
I just giggled but tried not to let him hear me.
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